I have not been writing over the last few months because I took a journey into healing at a new level.
It has been a journey I never expected.
Days are hard. Heartache is real.
Pain is very present.
I have lacked hope. I have clung to faith.
I am starting to see some light.
One of the impacts or coping mechanisms of abuse is to numb your emotions.
When the pain is so deep, the emotions seem overwhelming. We can shut them off to cope. We stop feeling to survive.
Part of recovery is turning our emotions back on.
That means choosing to feel….to feel the good, the bad, the painful, the joy, the emptiness and violation, and the hope that it all can change.
I have been learning to feel again. Learning to come alive.
I forgot how deep the pain could go. I now remember what it is to feel emotions of all kinds and intensities.
The work has been hard. The work is starting to pay off.
I am thankful for the grace and mercy the Lord has shown me through this time, and I am falling on that grace and mercy with faith that he will see me through.