I have been reflecting on the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation and the Biblical support for both. My heart conviction is that because I have been forgiven by the Lord I understand forgiveness. I have been reconciled to him. As he has changed and altered my life and heart I am now able and called to give forgiveness to others, offer them grace, and work toward reconciliation. With the Lord at the center of the relationship I truly believe forgiveness and reconciliation is not only possible but necessary between two believers. Many I talk to do not share this same conviction though. They feel it is okay to say “enough is enough” and walk away from a relationship. They feel it is okay to create boundaries that keep the others at bay. While I am a strong support of discipline, boundaries, and accountability I believe these are only successful when done in love and with a heart of teaching others rather than building walls.
Steve Cornell has posted a good Biblically based article on Forgiveness and Reconciliation at his blog. Check it out for the full article, but here are two lists he posts: Actions the offender needs to take, and Guidelines for the offended.
The offender:
1. Accepts full responsibility for his or her actions. (Instead of: “Since you think I’ve done something wrong…” or “If have done anything to offend you…”).
2. Accepts accountability from others.
3. Does not continue in the hurtful behavior or anything associated with it.
4. Does not have a defensive attitude about his or her being in the wrong.
5. Does not have a light attitude toward his or her hurtful behavior.
6. Does not resent doubts about his or her sincerity- nor the need to demonstrate sincerity. (Especially in cases involving repeated offenses)
7. Makes restitution wherever necessary.
For those who are hesitant to reconcile: Ten Guidelines to consider
It is common for those who have been seriously hurt to feel hesitant about reconciling with their offenders. When your offender is genuinely repentant, however, it is important to open yourself to the possibility of restoration. Remember, Jesus spoke about reconciliation with a sense of urgency (see Matthew 5:23-24). If you are hesitant to reconcile, work through the ten guidelines on the next pages.
1. Be honest about your motives
2. Be humble in your attitude
3. Be prayerful about the situation
4. Be willing to admit ways you might have contributed to the problem
5. Be honest with the offender
6. Be objective about your hesitancy
7. Be clear about the guidelines for restoration
8. Be realistic about the process
9. Be mindful of God’s control
10. Be alert to Satan’s schemes
Restoring The Heart 
March 9, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Excellent!!!
October 16, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Hi! It’s good if the offender takes the necessary steps above. What if the offender takes the offense lightly, does not take accountability for the offense, does not make the necessary changes, keeps on doing the same offense over and over…I think this is where we should just forgive the person but reconciliation will be far off.
March 6, 2011 at 11:29 pm
Forgiveness is a must as without it we lock ourselves to the offender forever waiting for them to change or the offense(s) to be undone, which the former is out of our control and the latter is impossible. Reconciliation, however, can be like a garden to be tended by both parties, a starting over of something better, a win-win. But until real change is desired and demonstrated by the offender, there should be some caution. We must love as Christ loved, but Christ also hated sin and emphasized it should be not hidden but brought to the light. Families who enable an addicted family member are not loving that person, but rather helping that person to remain in bondage. We must trust the Lord with our loved ones. Dear God, hear us and help us all.