I watched a Hallmark movie yesterday called Head of the Class. It is about a man with Tourette’s Syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes the person to feel uncontrolled urges to make noises and movements. They often come out as ticks, pops, chirps, barks, or other uncommon movements and noises. Sometimes Tourette’s is present in conjunction with another disorder that results in the person saying unwelcome/rude/vulgar words.
As I watched the movie I was struck with a great deal of emotion and I didn’t understand why. As I continued to watch but also paid attention to what I was feeling I realized it was due to the lack of acceptance this man faced due to his disorder. He was doing all he could to work through his issues, did his best to control the movements and sounds, and had a great attitude regarding his disorder, but even when he tried to educate others about the disorder he often faced adversity.
What I finally realized is this is some of how I have felt over the last few years as I have tried to seek help, find acceptance, and work through my healing after abuse. So many times others would express they didn’t know why I couldn’t just get over it and move on. I was told I was making too big a deal about it. I was told I was living in fear and it was holding me back. Many times others couldn’t accept me where I was at, and if they couldn’t accept me they wouldn’t walk with me. Some people, like my last pastor, thought they could walk with me but when difficulties arose he got tired, frustrated, and angry and eventually just wanted me to go away.
Sharing is a risk in any relationship, for any person. We are individual people, so to open up our heart and mind to share with another means we have to make a choice to take those steps. Sometimes when we share we will find acceptance and love. It may be for just a moment, or it may grow into a greater relationship. In other cases when we risk sharing a struggle, fault, opinion, or sin we may immediately lose stock value in the eyes and heart of the other person. They may treat us differently because inside they have decided we are unsafe, unhealthy, not as worthy of love, or unwelcome in their life.
This journey of healing from disillusionment is not easy. There will be people we meet along that way who will not accept us, even if we do all we can to work through our issues. Even if we are trying our best there will be others who decide they can not be a part of the journey with us. That needs to be okay. It will hurt, and if they have already started to be someone you can trust it may feel like betrayal and abandonment. Like the man in the movie though I hope as we continue to go through the journey we can have a viewpoint where we look at what we have learned: never to give up, not to let our abuse/pain/disillusionment/…. win, not to let it stop you from trying again.
Today my hope for all those who are struggling on this journey feeling pain, disillusionment, fatigue, heartache, anguish, confusion, hopelessness, helplessness, loneliness, etc. is that the cloud will lift even just a little and they will find the courage to take another step.