Have you reached a point where you desire to stop thinking about your past story? Have you struggled to stop thinking about it, resolve it, and get it out of your head? Have you reached a point of acceptance that your story is your story with all the good, bad, and even the unresolved parts?
Here are some steps you might think and work through to take a new step forward.
1. Disconnect from your story – How do you identify with your story? Do you think it defines you, or is it just one aspect of who you are that can be seen from different perspectives? If you think the abuse/trauma/situation you went through or find yourself in is ‘who you are’ then you are giving it control. You are making it the source of direction, power, and focus in your life. Can you adjust your attitude and viewpoint so that you can regain control and perspective keeping any “victim” through patterns at bay?
Some of us like our stories, they give us something to connect with and identify with. For some of us the story gives us a history, uniqueness, distinction, and it can actually become a point that feeds our ego, or gives us a level of control both in situations and even over other people. Only you can decide if you are ready to disconnect from your story and take the next step.
2. Decide if you want to be free – Sometimes sub-consciously we are choosing not to disconnect from our problems and our past, after-all, they are our story. You have to decide whether you want to be free. Do you want your ongoing mind activity, mixed up feelings, stress, sleeplessness, depression, etc. to end, or you are holding on to it because it is giving you an ego boost, a level of control, or an excuse to stay set in our ways.
Take time to connect deep inside to your core thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself and find out if you really are at a point to move on, both forgetting and forgiving. Until you are ready you will not be able to be free. Your problems may be giving you something to do in life, or they may be keeping you from pushing for something different. Are you allowing them to hold you back, or are you choosing to believe your story can actually enable and empower you to be used for something greater?
3. Let go – When we are ready to let go we reach a point of resolve in our heart and our mind to no longer let our story, other people, or circumstances control and dictate our lives. It isn’t just about reaching a point of letting go and being left with empty hands, but it also is reaching a point of taking hold of a new future, a new direction, and a different ongoing story. Letting go is about leaving what was and embracing to move forward to what will become. It is the first major step in creating a new and different story.
4. Accept your story and your current life – Acceptance means you no longer resist the situation (either the past or the present/current). It doesn’t mean you don’t try to grow, change, and learn from it, but you stop fighting, denying, and avoiding what has already happened and you don’t blame or manipulate the situation. Accepting allows us to let those things that occupy our minds and battle within our souls come to a rest. You won’t have to battle yourself, others, or your past any longer, because instead you allow the memories, thoughts, feelings, and facts to become real, have a place to fit in the painting and fabric of your life, and as they blend in and become part of the bigger picture they lose their prominence as something that stands out, becoming blurred and incorporated into a large and beautiful piece of art.
No matter your faith stance or religious beliefs these steps can help you move past the power and control of your past so you no longer walk with a victim mindset and live in powerlessness. I personally believe that if you incorporate Christ into each of these steps allowing him to have control, to provide freedom, to be what you grab onto when you let go, and give you the strength and surrender to accept your story and life …. Well then you will see a new life, a life that is truly different and transformed. No matter how you walk that journey I hope and pray your life will grow better and you will find beauty, promise, hope, and transformation for a hope-filled and incredible future.